Published in The Jerusalem Post on January 30, 2000
I want to thank the Academy of Politics for giving me the opportunity to
award its annual prizes for political plunder, knavery and
frolic-at-the-citizen’s-expense to this year’s cunning winners.
And the January 2000 winners of the highly-dubious citations are (the
YOU CAN FOOL THEM SOME OF THE TIME AWARD to Cabinet Secretary Isaac
Herzog, Mr. Always-Seems-So-Squeaky-Clean, who now, it is revealed —
isn’t. “Bougie” Herzog pulled a fast one with his outrageously illegal
non-profit association shell-game on behalf of prime ministerial
candidate Ehud Barak, but Justice Goldberg has now caught him. Awarded
for masterful success in the trickery – the vast dissimulation helped
get his boss elected.
WHAT DOES HE REALLY KNOW AWARD to Ehud Barak, who knows for certain that
the non-profit associations he knew absolutely nothing about – did
MAPAI IS BACK AWARD to Labor MK Dalia Itzik, who has zealously reverted
to the classic Mapai tactic of attacking as illegitimate anybody who
dares censure the ruling Labor elites.
First, she accused Amiram Bogat, the Registrar of Non-Profit
Associations who started the investigation into Bougie and Company, of
impartiality because he has a kipah on his head and lives over the Green
Line. Then, she hysterically tore into Justice Goldberg for “lack of
judgement”. Then, she fumed away furiously at Attorney General Elyakim
Rubinstein (another kipah) who had the “temerity” (!) to order a
criminal investigation against the Holy Labor Establishment.
NATIONAL TRANQUILIZER AWARD also to Ehud Barak. Barak has put everybody
in this country, including the right-wing, to sleep. I know of no-one
else who could actively negotiate the return of the entire Golan Heights
to Syria, continue land transfers to the PA in the West Bank, advance
talks Arafat on Palestinian statehood and refugee rights, and de facto
hand-away parts of Jerusalem – without whipping-up a frenzied and
furious public reaction! From Barak’s perspective, an outstanding
PRESIDENTIAL HYPOCRITE AWARD to the NRP and Council of Yesha
Settlements, for being the first and most enthusiastic to jump on the
‘dump Ezer Weizman as President’ bandwagon. Five years ago, when Weizman
publicly called on Rabin and Peres to slow the Oslo process and was
criticized by the Left for intervening in diplomacy, the settlers
vocally argued that “it is a mitzvah to support the President”.
LOOK GUYS, NO HANDS AWARD to Rabbi Ovadia Yosef for proving that he can
still run the party and bring home the bacon without Aryeh Deri. Despite
Yossi Sarid’s huffing and puffing, Rabbeinu Ovadia got his bankrupt
school-system millions from Mr. Barak, nice and clean, at taxpayer
expense. The Supreme Court can order the Ministry of Education to
enforce curriculum content guidelines in Shas schools – order all it
wants – but in Shas they’re overcome with hysterical laughter.
NINE LIVES AWARD to Shimon Peres. He just knows that if he hangs on and
hangs around Israeli politics long enough, it will pay off somehow. The
Presidency perhaps, or maybe he’ll get to negotiate a free trade accord
between Israel and Iran. Keep dreaming, Shimon.
NOW YOU SEE THEM, NOW YOU DON’T AWARD to Chief Rabbis Yisrael Lau and
Eliahu Bakshi-Doron, who have simply disappeared, taking the Chief
Rabbinate with them. The Chief Rabbinate? What is that? Have you heard
from it lately? Perhaps the spiritual leaders had what to say on our
spiraling poverty, crime, violence, corruption, and sexual immorality;
but if they did, I missed it.
ELASTICITY AWARD to IDF Chief-of-Staff Shaul Mofaz, whose amiable
pliability is serving Prime Minister Barak well. If Barak needs the
Golan to be expendable, Mofaz is there to explain that it is. Can the
IDF unilaterally leave south Lebanon without security penalty? Mofaz
will be there to back that up too, when necessary. He sure knows what
side of his bread is up for buttering.
SPIT IN YOUR FACE AWARD to Yaacov Weinroth, the pitbull attorney of
choice for our senior politicians who get caught. This haredi hired-gun
hates the press, yet is a master of media manipulation on behalf of his
clients. He despises the secular legal system and its leading lights,
yet excels at maneuvering within it. An angry, conflicted man, I think,
which is all the more reason to have him on your side.
NATIONAL UNITY AWARD to David Tartakover, the hate-filled sculptor who
emblazoned “killed by a kipah-wearing Jew” on the Yitzhak Rabin memorial
plaque he designed for Tel Aviv. Just so that future generations will
know how evil and politically delegitimate all kipah-wearing Jews are.
This award comes with free membership in the Klu Klux Klan and several
other bigoted groups.
PULITZER PRIZE to the Israel Police for publishing, that is leaking,
more news than any one journalist could possibly report. Narcotics,
homicide and forensics used to be the most important police departments.
Now, it is the Israel Police News Department (with a direct feed to
radio straight from the investigation room).suggested sub-headline:
Prizes awarded for political plunder, knavery, hypocrisy and frolic-at-the-citizen’s-expense.